Myth #3: Forgive & Forget

This is part three in a series on the myths we are taught about happiness.  You can read part one here and part two here.

Ah, forgive and forget. Someone does you wrong, so you forgive and forget in order to move on and be happy. Right? Wrong.

Forgiveness is a beautiful gift to give someone when they’ve wronged us. But it shouldn’t come along with a clean slate. Instead, forgiveness should be accompanied by boundaries.

For example, if a loved one betrays your trust, you can say, “I forgive you for what you did and still love you. However, from now on, I expect full honesty from you. And if you can’t do that, I no longer want to be a part of this relationship. The next time you are dishonest with me, I will be leaving.”

You decide where to draw the line in the sand. You decide what you will and won’t allow in your life. Your generous offer of forgiveness comes with a few strings attached, and it should. Boundaries are healthy in all relationships - lovers, friends, family, co-workers, etc. In fact, strong boundaries preserve your identity as an individual. But it is your responsibility to communicate those boundaries clearly. Make consequences to crossing said lines clear. Discuss until all parties understand and then hold firm to your decision.

Forgive and set boundaries. It’s your life. You make the rules. And now, you can move on from the hurt in a much healthier way.